“Grief is not a problem to be solved, but an experience to be carried.” - Megan Devine
There are few things in this world that will completely change the way you see it. Sometimes a breakup can do this; I’ve been told by numerous parents that the birth of their children does this. But my most profound experience with a life-changing event was the death of my father. November 15, 2023, was the day my world changed, and I have been trying to figure out who I am ever since.
On that Wednesday morning, I woke up at 3:30 for work and went about my day as usual. After work, I went home, grabbed the dogs, and headed to Cherry Creek State Park. This was my ritual after work: get the dogs, go to the park, and call my dad. We would chat for an hour or more while the dogs ran around, burning off their energy. This was something new for us—we hadn’t always seen eye to eye. But we had both been trying hard to mend our relationship. That day was no different. I was feeling like I wanted a change in my life, so I was talking to him about leaving my corporate job and starting my own business (something I’ve been working towards over the past year). He helped me talk through some possibilities and risks. The last thing he said before we hung up was, “I am so proud of you. I love you so much.”
I got back home and called Jessica on FaceTime. We were chatting when my dad pulled up, said “hi,” and then headed back to work. That was the last time I saw him.
I went about my evening as usual—I cooked dinner, walked the dogs again, and went to bed. I was woken up by Lottie staring at me, Butler growling, and my best friend knocking on my door. I glanced at my phone as I went to the door (I had 27 missed calls; I am a heavy sleeper), called my mom back, and that’s when my world changed. I vividly remember every second of that moment, but as if I were observing it from the outside. I quickly packed up and went to be with my family.
"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear"- C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
A year later (almost exactly), and I still can’t fully describe grief to you. It’s one of the most humbling experiences. I have never felt weaker, yet simultaneously stronger than I ever thought possible. I have never been so sad, yet somehow, I still have hope for the future. I think the process of grief is so different for everyone. There are countless “tips” on how to heal, fix, or repair your grief, but all of them imply a return to a state of normalcy similar to before. This is not possible for someone who has lost a loved one. We cannot go back—there is only forward.
I have tried so many ways to “heal.” But the only way to truly face grief is head-on. I have relied on my friends and loved ones to help me through this painful time, but one thing that has been particularly helpful in my grieving process is exercise. I continued practicing yoga and lifting weights. I started swimming again and sought ways to connect with my emotions in a healthy environment.
Some research suggests that your body can store the emotional trauma of an event, affecting your body tissues as well. In the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, the author suggests that traumas can be held in muscle tension and chronic pain, even years after the event. Van der Kolk explains that somatic memory and trauma can negatively impact your body if not properly processed. These traumas can manifest as muscle imbalances, leading to tissue and joint damage. The autonomic nervous system (ANS), which regulates the fight-or-flight response, can become dysregulated after a traumatic event. This heightened state of alertness can remain in our muscles and disrupt our natural movement patterns, in addition to causing emotional turmoil. These events need to be addressed not only in terms of mental health but also with regard to the physical body. Practices like yoga, breathwork, Tai Chi, and sensorimotor psychotherapy have shown positive results in addressing these traumas.
Embracing Movement as a Path to Healing
Grieving the loss of my father has taught me that healing is not a destination, but a continuous journey. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, but I’ve found that movement, mindfulness, and connecting with our bodies can help release the tension we carry. This is why I’m so passionate about the intersection of physical wellness and emotional well-being—not just for fitness, but as a powerful tool for healing.
If you’re navigating grief or other life challenges, I encourage you to explore practices that allow you to reconnect with your body and mind. Whether it’s yoga, swimming, strength training, or simply going for a walk, movement can help unlock emotions and bring you closer to a place of peace.
Remember, taking care of your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Sometimes, just taking that first step—whether it’s a stretch, a deep breath, or a moment of self-reflection—can make all the difference in your journey toward healing.
"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." Vicki Harrison
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